As a big time internet celebrity, I like to make dreams come true, person I don’t actually know in person and have never interacted with and certainly didn’t take way too long to figure out the really basic play on your name.
I heard a while ago that in order to be taken seriously as an artist, I need to write an artist’s statement describing the general tone and direction of my work. I have now done this and it is on my blog, and can be viewed there, but for the sake of accessibility, I will reproduce it here:
“The idea that creative endeavor and mind-altering substances are entwined is one of the great pop-intellectual myths of our time. The four twentieth-century writers whose work is most responsible for it are probably Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Sherwood Anderson, and the poet Dylan Thomas. They are the writers who largely formed our vision of an existential English-speaking wasteland where people have been cut off from one another and live in an atmosphere of emotional strangulation and despair. These concepts are very familiar to most alcoholics; the common reaction to them is amusement. Substance-abusing writers are just substance abusers—common garden-variety drunks and druggies, in other words.”—Stephen King, On Writing
You get knuckle tattoos where it’s like how people do Love and Hate or Good and Evil but on one hand it says Coke and on the other it says Pepsi (the S and the I are on the same knuckle), but also you’d have to memorize the Love and Hate speech from Night Of The Hunter/Do The Right Thing and replace those two words with Coke and Pepsi.
Then you convince Coke to pay you to do the speech and they make a commercial out of it. But get the tattoos first because you’ve got to get your foot in the door somehow.
For those not in the know already, I just had to move house again (again), and I’ve been super stressed out about that (and some other things) and then working a bunch and turning 25, and generally freaking out about what I’m doing, so I put off sending anything out until I had an address I could put as the return address incase anything goes funny.
Also, most of the envelopes have weird little trinkets in them. Have fun figuring that part out, chumps.