Remember, every year on labor day, every working American can ask their boss to do one special favor for them, and if he doesn’t then Labor Dan, the Worker’s Rights gnome, will take them away in his gunnysack.
Cool tip: Instead of looking up photos of celebrities without clothes on (their bodies look like other naked people’s bodies but their faces look like famous people ???) you should watch The Twilight Zone on Netflix. That way you won’t be violating people’s privacy and dignity like a garbage person, and you’ll be watching one of the greatest achievements in television history.
My private bathroom is about 2/3ds the size of my bedroom and has the nicer window, so today I bought an extension chord to run through the rafters to make my bathroom into my office. I am living the highlife.
Also on the subject of bizarrely gendered activities, anything I’ve ever heard characterized as a feminine chore or activity, like cooking, cleaning or sewing, is something that every person on the face of the planet should do at least a little if they want to be able to be an independent and self reliant adult, instead of a giant fucking baby person. And if you’re a dude and expect someone else to do that shit for you instead of learning how to take care of yourself out of weirdo entitlement, you’re probably a garbage hell person. Have some self respect and learn how to do stuff for yourself, man.
I’m pretty sure that anything that the internet describes as rugged, manly activities is pretty much just what people who don’t spend their entire day sitting on reddit talking about how manly a dude is for knowing how to make things or cook meat do, and has nothing to do with your gender identity.
I couldn’t sleep last night because I heard a song off the album Dear You and then I remembered sitting in a train car at 4 in the morning and listening to Jawbreaker, a few days after Christmas, bundled up against the overwhelming cold, staring at the shadowed blurs of the desert landscape going by, lit up by the moon, and wondering why I was bothering to go back to a town where I was sleeping on people’s couches or doorsteps and nothing was working out.
And I remembered how I felt then. Scared and alone and wanting to give up, wanting to walk up to someone, with a white flag in my hand, and tell them that I wanted to surrender.
I spent like an hour tweaking all the wires in a replacement plug for a pair of high quality noise canceling headphones before plugging it in to test it out and remembering that all I listen to is shitty, lo-fi garbage music and I could get the same degree of “noise canceling” by just turning the volume up really loud. But at least now I can really HEAR the absence of any production value on the record.
Am I going to watch The Running Man, The Lawnmower Man, and Demolition Man back to back to back? Fuck yeah. Should I watch The Running Man, The Lawnmower Man, and Demolition Man back to back to back? Fuck you.
I’m in a heated argument with one of my coworkers because he doesn’t believe that we are all, in fact, astronauts. It’s pretty clear if you ask me.
Astronauts travel through space. The earth travels through space. We are on the earth. We are traveling through space. We are astronauts.
As a big time internet celebrity, I like to make dreams come true, person I don’t actually know in person and have never interacted with and certainly didn’t take way too long to figure out the really basic play on your name.